Deleted Scenes
by Atropa Haven
Summary: Youve seen those deleted scenes. So have I. Lemon-drop?
1. Smut

ahem. 

i made this one time fic in the annoyance of deleted scenes. now you can share in my frustration. and hopefully, my humor.

**Warning**.: this is my first attempt at a 'Kiddy' fiction. proceed with caution.talks of Homosexuals.  
**Disclaimer**: shouldn't be needed  
**Rating:** PG

**Act 1 Scene 1  
****Deleted Scenes  
'Smut'**

"...............The ebony adonis trailed butterfly kisses down the smooth unvieled skin, enticing his blonde counterpart into shivers, the slight tremors racking his rippling muscles. Harry trailed a hand over the flesh of his soon to be lover, and ..."

**#Deleted scene#**

"Wow, that was great harry." The Blonde, Sensual Slytherin intoned sarcasticaly, "It was such an experience."

His Black Haired lover gave him a death-glare."Stupid Author! we were just Getting somewhere!They didn't even write the 'deleted scene!They just said they did!" He rants, as he pulls a frustrated hand through his disheveled hair.

a moment of silence.

"Hey, Harry?"

a sigh of frustration.

"Yes Malfoy?"Emerald orbs met Murcery.

"Whats Slash?"  
a groan is heard.

"You cant tell me you came to do this without knowing what it was you were doing!" Disbeleiving eyes turn back to inquiring ones.

Mercury eyes Blinked. "It Payed Good."

Emerald eyes are rolled as he walks up to the blonde adonis, bent so sinfully over the quiditch toned body...

Whispering is heard

" I thought 'Gay' meant 'happy'?"

More whispering.

"Your'e Kidding! who would want to do that?!?!?"

crickets

Suddenly, Mercury pools that some call eyes turn in disbelief to emerald jewels...

"Heeeyyy...hold on a sec.. you knew what it was..and you still wanted to do it"  
Malfoy makes Very cute (and dignified)disgusted expression.

"oh my god. potter is a pervert"

giggling

harry rolls his eyes and throws one of the cheap dollar tree pillows from the studio set at malfoy's head, as he walks to the other side of the room towards the exit sign....still naked.

"Shut Up Malfoy!"

The slam of a door is heard.

"AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" is a sound thatacompaniesthe unearthly squel of adoring fan-girls and various 'towel' girls(1) from outside the studio as our savior runs off into the horizon....never to be seen again...


	2. Sorting HAT!

**Deleted Scenes**

**Start Of Feast**

_Why is it that everyone seems to skip over the hogwart's hat song?..Well, lets listen and find out..._

(narrator)

:thoughts:

action

the mind's interpretation of the sorting hat's song

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At the Teacher's table, our favorite Severus Snape sat conteplating the meaning of the universe...

**:I wish i had a cat. A nice, fluffy cat, and i would hold him, and sqeaze him, and feed him...:**

and i really should stop there. Really, even in deleted scenes, there are some things you don't want to know. snape love is one of them...well, for most of you.

So, the esteamed potions proffesor balanced a piece of blunted cutlery on his nose, as the sorting hat droned on, and on and on,...

**_ gryffindor are brash, and really quite a bore,_**

**_yet Mcggonagoll if you let her, can be quite muchmore,_**

**_leather whips,_**

**_and sharpened tips,_**

**_are more of a slytherin thing._**

**_yet Snape rather favors_**

**_chocolate and whipped cream._**

**_while Hufflepuff is true,_**

**_The only way they stay loyal,_**

**_includes house parties,_**

**_and a bottle of Rum-Royal(1)_**

**_and don't forget Wise ravenclaw,_**

**_they seem to always study,_**

**_yet the truth my friends,_**

**_is becauseof ' Sunday'orgies._**

**_and there are the hogwarts four,_**

**_They'll never seemthe same,_**

**_but if you'd really cared to know,_**

**_the teachers can't take the blame,_**

**_Nor can theyobliviate the fact_**

**_that the snowflakes aren'tsnow from rain._**

so there, that wasn't all that interesting was it? i guess, it is okay to forget the sorting song in most fics... it is just too much work! and the ending was kind of getting to me, and im sick and delusional, so just, if you get anything better tell me. please.

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okay, so, i wass going to put in all this other stuff, but i decided it didnt fit, but didnt want to erase it. its just a jumble of thoughts anyway. and you dont have to read it, but i suggest you read the bottom one at least. oh, and-

(1)- Rum Royal is a real drink, and is absolutely yummy, and is practically pure alcohol. 

**:ahh.. another year at hogwarts, it is very unfortunate that people seem unobservant of their surroundings.. what is the phrase that i am looking for? oh yes.. I beleive that Moody would say.."CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" -**Dumbledore

(The new Defence teacher screamed at the top of his lungs as he entered the room, dressed in tattered garbs and ill-cared for tresses, his face red in indignation as the room continued to ignore him except for a few scornfull glances at his clothes..)

**:What is wrong with these people?... -**you

(Now, you may be wondering why you are hearing people's thoughts, or rather reading them in this fan Fiction. it is simple. You are Hensforth, the Mute Bloody Baron, who floats invisible among the students and faculty. the reaon you are invisible is because you are a pervert and like to hear other's perverted thoughts. Congratulations. Now, This Chapter, Because it involves more than one defence teacher, is unrestrained by time. meaning, as you may be aware, that we will see the marauders, padfoot, scabbers, moody, tom riddle, Voldemort, wormtail, harry and Lily Potter. Not to mention Rose Potter who is the unborn childe of lily and james potter, visiting from an Alternate Universe. Enjoy)

* * *

"I imagine my home, but when i do, i am never Alone.:"

ron Weasley looked up from his musings to see a young Remus Lupin across from him, and, heavily perturbed by this unwelcome disturbance of time and space,(as wellas LunaLovegoods offhanded statement about homes)he fainted.

being as he is a secondary character, and of no great importance, this went unnoticed.

**:I am a predator, that dislikes the thought of picking my meal from the carcas of an aware creature...is that so wrong? oh gross... peter is drooling again...ewww:**

and while remus lupin, sitting at the gryffindor table,contemplated his childlike thoughts of his own dietary habits, and his friends drooling habits, his adult self was sitting at the teacher's table, and had thoughts of his own such as...

**:Am i more of an omnivore if the smell of cooked flesh makes me want to regurgitate my lunch:**

and...

**:What is so hot about WereWolves anyway? i swear.. if Severus jacks off to the sound of my howls again i'll castrate him.. i mean really.. who does that:**

and concerning the topic of Severus Snape, you would expect to hear his thoughts go along the lines of the article he had in front of his face of a Psychoanalyst group that disected words like "the voice, the dress, the look, the very motions of a person , define and alter when he or she begins to live for a reason"-spoken by Elizabgeth Stuart Phelps

to go something like this...

"However these seem to define someone, the are mostly just a mask we wear. Pride and intelligence can be faked in the presence of cowards and the iliterate."

unfortunatly, it was not, it was more along the lines of ...(and here is where i started talking about fluffy cats.)

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**_READ THIS ONE_**

**"On the way to the last class of the day, i daydreamed of pink leprechauns swarming the school, and could not help but think that if i perished in the onslaught of magical coins, that i could use the gold imbedded in my head for my burial.. ."**

**a facial spasm, and a raised eyebrow.**

**a rustle of robes.**

**" ...so you see Proffesor, Voldemort is obviously planting images in my mind. i need him out! He's even been sending me pictures of you naked! I can't sleep!"**

**imploring emerald green eyes searched the void of black that was the eyes of his Potion's Proffesor.**

**a smirk.**

**"Of Course Potter, if such.._distastfull_ things are bothering you, i shall drop all previous engagements to atune myself to your needs."**

**green eyes widen, as a jaw with cherry lips drops and leaves the mouth ofthe boy saviorgaping stupidly before he regains control of himself and launches himself at the proffesor**

**"THANK YOU PROFESSOR!"**

**

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right... okay, review, or you face the wrath of my pink leprechauns.

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